hahar. sry. spam posts. or imma go crazy today. 

'cause i swear i thought that maybe you'd be here

i just wanted to say, i had a really nice dream last night. one of those rlly sweet dreams that feels so right it feels real [- meaning, it wasn't an overjoyous dream that defeats reality. it was just RIGHT]. and when i woke up, it doesn't even matter that it wasn't real. 

i couldn't even remember i had a dream until i was reminded about it half way through the day. 

and in my dream, i was comfortable enough to y'know... SLEEP. hahahaha. 

and it wasn't even nighttime. it wasn't even on a bed. i wasn't even..... lying down. haha. 

teasme update: holyshit. kate just sent me a rlly nice txt essentially saying not to let it happen again and just move on... WAH KAO. i want to cry. 

man. i think i am getting disciplined by a greater power. lol. serious. when will i ever learn? that no matter how many times i may get pissed off at management or at the other workers... who am i to take matters into my own hands. right? shit. i always find some way to break the rules. and even tho i don't get caught for those things, i get screwed over for others. SO MANY TIMES! i feel like God is teaching me to be obedient and submissive. so i rlly rlly try... to grit my teeth when i'm getting lectured... just nod... and carry on w my duties. 

but somehow i always find some way to be rebellious. and it starts all over again. 

and to answer my own question - WHY ARE U SO STRICT WITH ME. IT'S NOT FAIR. others can steal and cheat... etc. WHY U PUNISH ME FOR LITTLE THINGS!? but i guess it's not so .. a 'little thing'. 

'cause how the fuck are u going to help others if u don't even come to equity with clean hands (hurr hurr hur).  and also, i think God's being concerned for me; that maybe one day i might actually screw up so bad, i'd screw myself over and get sued big time for my own mistakes. 

does this happen to anyone else? like, u do something wrong... and then literally get wacked in the face for it after. like i'd actually accidentally smash my head into the wall, or drop cutleries onto my foot.... or something. HAHAHA. i used to wonder if it was my subconscious punishing myself. but then again, sometimes i do something 'bad' so effortlessly and guiltlessly... or i wldn't even know it's wrong. until i somehow hurt myself after and thr is a flash of whatever wrongdoing previously. and im like OUH. omg? 

HAHAHA ok. call me crazy. 

but my point is. learn now before it's too late. 

robin hood can do more harm than good. it might not be so admirable after all... 

--

anyway. super lame today. we arrived at the sign today and were waiting for ppl to turn up. i didn't wna get out the car but then all i was doing was being some stalker. sitting in the car and looking at everyone graduate/take photos. hahahha

so weird la. it's like watching ur once closest friends graduate. LAWL. creep. & some ppl whom i don't even know if they're graduating or not! >: 

me: who's that? what. omg.. wait... the dad didn't come for GRADUATION!?!?!?

s: WHO CARES! 

me: :( 

s: shit. it's too hot. i can't stand it. we're going for a drive. 

me: OMG can u drive through up the grass so i can see who that is???? LOLLOLOLOL.

freak. 

i don't hate you. i have nothing against you. the guy i have a thing against, he's dead to me. he died. i miss him. i don't know you. 

watching pokemon in the sun because we got ditched. hahhahar. 

"why the hell are we here again?"

me: shit maan. ughhh. how do u guys see? i can hardly see anything 

s: yeah. reflection aye

b: yeah. i can see myself.

s: yeah. i just see Bo the whole time

LOLOLOLOL. 

s: HI GRACIEEE!!

me: -_______-" (PFFT)

s: lololol. i thought u were staring straight at me

HAHAHAHHA gross. 

baahaha. i wore the same dress for graduation last yr. 

GRADUATION

i wish for my graduation to be awesomely perfect. it's gotta be super lively. with a lot of friends. and i'd be damned if m doesn't fly down from wherever he is. and i will not have any 'someone' overseas. (; 

i'll spend 2 days partying. i've gotz to be ultra happy ;D ;D 

& ofc mum&dad has to be there. and when i go up to collect my cert... i'll be like "porpor! this is for you too! ^^" 

scott: (whiffs) .... have u been drinking again?

me: HEEEEH. ;D 

s: what do u want? 

me: hmmmmmmm. ok. apple pie? and omg... get the dollar apple pie

s: huh?

me: (knowing he won't in heck ask for the discount.. so i start shouting) UM. WVEEE-EYEE-PEEEE DRIVE TRUEEEEE??? 

s: O_O holyshit. why do u sound so asian!?

me: she didn't give us the discount. omg. imagine if i shouted at her. OMG WTH WOMAN. LIKE D EU NORT UNDERSTAARND MEH? *asian accent* 

--

read this. true story:

Please don't fall in love with me, I'm still very much in love with Jacky. I'm scared, I don't know what is it that I feel towards him anymore. It's been so long. A couple of times you brought me up there like how he did, and then I'll remind myself not to so I wouldn't fall too hard if you're gonna fuck me over. I've got nothing left when I lost him. I cannot go through it again. 

reply goes smthg like:

If you let me in, you either end up with nothing like how you started before you met me, or you'd end up with everything.

what impressed me wasn't the reply. can't care less about what cliche replies ppl come up with. but i think her willingness to admit it. and still try to smile again. (:

iloveyou but i'm going that way

see your halo